Editorials
The Top 21 Most Kick-Ass Giant Monsters in Movie History!
With the Kraken soon to be released once more in theaters everywhere thanks to the imminent remake of Clash of the Titans, it’s high time I took a long, hard look at the many awe-inspiring behemoths that have stomped their way across motion picture screens over the years. You can have your little vampires, werewolves, zombies and mummies–when you’re looking for wholesale destruction and unbridled terror, nothing serves it up quite like a massive irradiated monstrosity. We’re taking a look at the big boys this time out, so strap in and make sure you’re wearing your helmet! Oh, and aren’t you glad I completely avoided saying, “Size matters”?
The Top 21 Most Kick-Ass Giant Monsters in Movie History!
Decidedly less sexy than his female counterpart, the 50-foot Woman, Colossal Man nevertheless was deemed awesomely cheesy enough to be the brunt of one of Mystery Science Theater 3000’s most memorable episodes.
Wanna know how dangerous this massive arachnid from the 1955 movie of the same name was? They actually had to call on Clint Eastwood to stop the thing. That’s right, the future Dirty Harry plays a fighter pilot who makes an appearance at the end of this seminal monster movie.
San Francisco is the city of choice in Harryhausen’s It Came from Beneath the Sea, and what comes from beneath the sea is this gigantic octopus, a beastie who threatens to tear down the Golden Gate Bridge if it isn’t stopped. If only it had swung by Haight-Ashberry, this might have all been avoided…
Smaller and not as fierce as his cinematic cousin Kong, you still can’t help but have a soft spot for Joe. After all, he does manage to win a tug of war with a bunch of wrestlers, and his theme song is Stephen Foster’s “Beautiful Dreamer”, which shows a discerning musical taste.
Starting out very small in 20 Million Miles to Earth, this alien/reptilian Harryhausen creation gradually grows to mammoth proportions, threatening the Eternal City of Rome in the process. Proving to be the most cultured of movie monsters, he chooses the Collosseum as his target.
Godzilla meets Blair Witch as this hardly seen amphibious terror emerges from New York Harbor and turns the city upside down. As we’re made privy to the detailed doings of a gang of whiny twenty-somethings, we can’t help but pray for a better look at the giant thing that’s causing all the mayhem. And hope that it eats them all.
So many possibilities here, and if you’re a guy and you say they’ve never occurred to you, you’re lying. Not only is she one of the most unforgettable giant “monsters”, she also has one of the most famous movie poster of all time.
First appearing in the pages of Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings, the Balrog of Khazad-dum was perhaps the one monster LOTR fans were most anxious to see translated to the screen–and Peter Jackson certainly didn’t disappoint with his hellish interpretation of Morgoth’s minion.
Rounding out Toho’s Holy Kaiju Trinity is everyone’s favorite enormous irradiated pterodactyl. This dude is so huge that he can level skyscrapers just by flapping his wings, and also makes the coolest noise this side of Big G himself.
A kaiju flick for the 21st century, The Host is a tour-de-force of giant monster action, and the titular creature is a brilliant and terrifying reinvention of the classic archetype. Plus, he’s also a giant fish with legs, which rules.
Before Jurassic Park, even before Godzilla, there was this dinosaur run amok, one of Harryhausen’s first giant monster creations. An ambitious son of a gun, he runs rampant through the Big Apple itself, making his last stand in Brooklyn’s own Coney Island amusement park.
The three-headed arch-nemesis of Godzilla, this alien hydra spits lightning in every direction, destroying everything in its path. It also resembles the Chinese dragon, leading some to see it as Japan’s criticism of its Communist neighbor. Nothing like a little political commentary in a giant monster flick!
My personal favorite Harryhausen creation, this giant bronze statue is cold-blooded murder in physical form, coming after Jason and his Argonauts with relentless fury. An ancient giant robot of sorts, he is undone when Jason “unplugs” him, pouring out the black, oil-like substance he seems to run on.
The creation of Toho Studios’ chief Japanese rival company Daiei, the beloved giant turtle became a national institution perhaps second only to Godzilla himself. The invincible Guardian of the Universe, Gamera is nothing short of a cult icon.
Perhaps the most instantly recognizable of all of Ray Harryhausen’s creations, the giant Cyclops appears in The 7th Voyage of Sinbad, giving the fabled sailor a little more giant monster mayhem than he bargained for.
Toho’s second most famous monster, the world’s biggest flying insect is actually a god, worshipped by a bunch of Pacific natives with spray-on tans and accompanied by his own tiny twin fairies who sing to him. Not a bad gig for a creature whose main weapon is silk.
A gelatinous red mass of all-consuming alien gunk, the Blob gets larger the more it absorbs, until it threatens to swallow up an entire town. Fortunately, Steve McQueen is able to prove that even as a teenager, he was already a consummate badass.
From the dark recesses of the mind of Dr. Raymond Stantz came this titanic walking mountain of fluff. The corporeal embodiment of Gozer the Traveller, Sta-Puft wreaks havoc through mid-town Manhattan before getting roasted by the boys in gray.
It may look absolutely nothing like the traditional mythological representation of a Kraken (they’re more like giant squid), but Harryhausen’s beloved brainchild remains 1,000 tons of awesome in a 500-ton bag.
They don’t call the big guy “King of the Monsters” for nothing. Four hundred feet tall. Breathes nuclear fire. Star of about 749 movies. He’s battled everyone from Baragon to Bambi, and has perhaps the most rabid fan base of any monster on the planet.
And the number-one most kick-ass giant monster in movie history…(naturally)…
All due respect to the rest, but there is only one true King Kong. No matter what Peter Jackson has to say about it. The first, and still the most memorable giant movie monster, the Eighth Wonder of the World is awesome incarnate. Brought to life by the legendary Willis O’Brien, Kong is the last word in massive movie behemoths. Plus, he has excellent taste in chicks, even if there’s not much he can do with them.
For more horror news, opinions and other fun crap, including info on Dracula casting rumors, the Top 10 Most Overrated Horror Movies, and a boatload of classic Godzilla trailers, check out Brian’s daily blog, The Vault of Horror, at thevaultofhorror.net.
The Bloody Disgusting-powered SCREAMBOX is home to a variety of unique horror content, from originals and exclusives to cult classics and documentaries. With such a rapidly-growing library, there are many hidden gems waiting to be discovered.
Here are five recommendations you can stream on SCREAMBOX right now.
While Stuart Gordon cemented himself as a master of horror with early works like Re-Animator and From Beyond, his later output is also worthy of exploration. 2003’s King of the Ants kicked off a trio of intense thrillers (alongside Edmond and Stuck) that would end up being Gordon’s final features. It was also one of the first productions from The Asylum, who would go on to create Sharknado, Z Nation, and Black Summer.
Based on the 1992 novel by Charlie Higson, who also wrote the screenplay, the film’s unusual structure makes it unpredictable. Struggling to make ends meet, Sean Crawley (Chris McKenna) is hired by a shady contractor (Daniel Baldwin, Vampires) to kill a local city official (Ron Livingston, The Conjuring). Sean is stiffed on payment, held captive, and tortured in an attempt to elicit brain damage.
Although the film is nihilistic, Gordon injects bits of his signature gallows humor. Baldwin is perfectly cast as the despicable antagonist, while George Wendt (Cheers) plays against type as his co-conspirator and Vernon Wells (Mad Max 2) serves as a lackey. Kari Wuhrer (Anaconda) co-stars as Livingston’s wife, who Sean falls for. Holding his own against the industry veterans, McKenna is worthy of a more decorated career.
Cocaine Crabs from Outer Space
Move over, Cocaine Bear — there’s a new coked-up animal in town… and it comes from space. Intentional schlock is deceptively difficult to pull off, but Cocaine Crabs from Outer Space is no-budget cheese done right; fully committed to the bit with plastic crabs crudely puppetted via fishing line, hammy acting, and over-the-top deaths.
Upon landing on Earth, alien crabs are given cocaine by local frat bros, thus beginning an amphetamine-fueled murder spree. A dismissed detective (writer-director Chuck Magee) teams up with a local pet shop employee (Kat Andrews) to stop the killer crustaceans and their Gremlins-esque exploits of monstrous mayhem.
Not every joke lands, but it’s impossible not to be amused by the absurdity of it all. Those who enjoy goofy fare of Velocipastor, Llamageddon, and Thankskilling will get a kick out of this one. It also makes a good double feature with Crabs on SCREAMBOX.
Found footage’s inherently homespun aesthetic lends itself to a lower barrier to entry for micro-budget filmmakers, which can be a double-edged sword. With Life of Belle, writer-director Shawn Robinson (in his feature debut) cast his actual family and shot in his own home while tapping into his real-life fears as a parent.
Positioned as an investigation into the mysterious disappearance of 8-year-old Annabelle Starnes (Syrenne Robinson), the film presents the aspiring YouTuber’s footage along with her house’s security cameras. The footage captures Belle and her younger brother (Zachary Robinson) struggling to understand and endure their mother’s (Sarah Mae Robinson) dangerously erratic behavior.
While its visuals are reminiscent of a Paranormal Activity movie, the film is thematically more in line with Skinamarink; Robinson favors the psychological terror of children in peril over supernatural-fueled jump scares. Over the course of 72 minutes, the film slowly but steadily builds to a chilling finale.
Dead Ant immediately establishes its cheeky tone with a prologue in which a running woman strips nude and throws her clothes at the giant ant that’s chasing her. It may not be high art, but writer-director Ron Carlson delivers an entertaining cross between campy creature feature and Spinal Tap-style heavy metal satire.
The film pits a washed-up hair metal band — Bret Michaels-esque frontman Merrick (Jake Busey, Starship Troopers), guitarist Pager (Rhys Coiro, Entourage), bassist Art (Sean Astin, The Lord of the Rings), drummer Stevie (Leisha Hailey, The L Word), and manager Danny (Tom Arnold, True Lies) — against ferocious ants that increase in size each time one is killed.
The all-star cast — which also includes Michael Horse (Twin Peaks) and Danny Woodbury (Seinfeld) as a peyote-peddling Native American and his right-hand man, along with a pre-fame Sydney Sweeney (Immaculate) — fully embraces the ridiculousness. The Sharknado-level CGI is far from convincing, but that only adds to the humor.
SCREAMBOX has a number of Roger Corman productions to honor the late, great trailblazer, including one of his best directorial efforts: A Bucket of Blood. In typical Corman fashion, the 1959 horror-comedy was conceived to repurpose leftover sets from another production. Charles B. Griffith — who recycled the plot structure for their next collaboration, The Little Shop of Horrors — was hired to pen the script in five days. Corman then shot the film in another five days on a budget of $50,000. Remarkably, it doesn’t look nearly as cheap or as rushed as it undoubtedly was.
Beloved character actor Dick Miller (Gremlins, The Terminator) stars in a rare lead role as Walter Paisley, a cafe busboy who dotes on pretentious artists but has ambitions of being one himself. After accidentally killing a cat, inspiration strikes to cover it up as a grotesque yet dignified sculpture. Giving new meaning to the phrase “tortured artist,” his taste of fame leads to an inadvertent murder spree.
Nary a dull moment among its economical 66 minutes, A Bucket of Blood holds up remarkably well after 65 years. The concept remains timely, as both the social commentary and dark satirization of the counterculture still play. You could swap out beatniks for influencers and make a contemporary, subversive slasher-comedy of errors in the vein of Tucker and Dale vs Evil.
Visit the SCREAMBOX Hidden Gems archives for more recommendations.
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