Albert Hammond Jr. + Aubrey Plaza

Earlier this year The Thread introduced musician Albert Hammond Jr. and actor/comedian Aubrey Plaza. Having never met before, the two engaged in a remarkably candid and, at times, pretty aggressive “meet cute.” In the following Thread: Unspooled, we dig a little deeper into their shared fascination with Delaware, answer a few lingering questions they had about each other, and fact-check that part about Aubrey’s blood.

Annotations and commentary courtesy of Lauren Sloss, a San Francisco–based writer.

To: Aubrey Plaza

From: Albert Hammond Jr.

Dear Aubrey,

So what we have here is an adult-supervised child-like date... I like this... It’s as though we just met in school... Online school of course... Ok I was gonna say first thing, but it’s more like second thing—I loved Safety Not Guaranteed... Saw it and didn’t know what it was going to be about, and by the end just fell in love with the story and you guys... Felt like such a true love story... Was looking you up... Don’t look me up please... You went to Tisch... I went for a year...

We looked them BOTH up. Other fun fact in common (other than their shared NYU alum status): Hammond is half Argentinian (His mom was a model and beauty pageant winner! And his dad wrote “It Never Rains in Southern California”!) and Plaza is half Puerto Rican.

Clearly failed English with all these periods I use... Can’t help it... It’s just what works... Went to study film and dropped out to do music... You should come see my show in NYC at the Bowery on September 21 or 22, or in LA in October... The 14th, I think... Too quick...

That tour (which is still going on) is in support of his newest album, Momentary Masters, which came out this summer. Here’s a great interview with him in Los Angeles magazine right before that October show in L.A., in which he talks about some of the album’s influences. (The Buzzcocks! The Clash! We’re crushing.)

Am I coming on too strong? As a friend, of course, a new acquaintance... You ever think about death? Space? The FBI? Science? Porn? Fibonacci? Well, before that I need to visualize where you are at... You live in LA? NYC? Not LA or NYC, haha... I was born in the valley in Los Angeles... Tarzana... Fast Times at Ridgemont High style... I was a few years after that, but the mall looked the same... I was looking forward to a few “Should I go first?” emails... I feel like I’m leaving the most random long message... Let’s see how you come back... Give me a sense of where the fuck I’m at... Hope this finds you well...

To: Albert Hammond Jr.

From: Aubrey Plaza

Albert, Ummmm... what the fuck? I thought I was going to go first.

To: Albert Hammond Jr.

From: Aubrey Plaza

ALBERT! Thanks for your nice words about Safety. I love that movie too... It’s special because it makes you believe in magic... or at least that’s what I like about it.

I mean, even the trailer is all warm and goosebumpy. There’s actually nothing not to love about Aubrey Plaza being cute and sassy and sarcastic in a movie about TIME TRAVEL. Magic, indeed.

Don’t look you up? How about don’t tell me what to DO, ALBERT. I’m in Los Angeles right now. I live here. I did go to NYU... sometimes. I somehow graduated and I lived in NYC for a bunch of years, in Queens. But I grew up in Delaware... I think about death and porn every day. I think about space a couple times a month. I rarely think about the FBI. And I never think about science or famous mathematicians (looked that up—I am very, very stupid). How about you??? Please explain ties to me. I understand that it is an accessory—like a scarf—but a scarf has a function because it keeps your neck warm...

To: Aubrey Plaza

From: Albert Hammond Jr.

Autoerotic asphyxiation... That’s all you need to know about ties... Scarves warm your neck, ties give the neck style and function... Now that I think about it, you can auto-asphyxiate with a scarf unless it’s cashmere... I mean we all like a good time, but stretching cashmere... Come on, that’s a sin... So you don’t want to come to my show then? I see... Safety does make you believe in magic... I guess that’s what I meant by love... Finding people in life is magic... Finding love is magic... How about me?? Yeah I’m stupid too... Death, porn, and space all the time... How was growing up in Delaware!?!?

In this 2009 interview with Latina magazine, Plaza talks about that a little. She says, “Wilmington is pretty small. There wasn’t a ton to do there, but it definitely made me more creative because I had to kind of find my own thing to do, which is why I started making weird, funny videos.” So Delaware is directly responsible for her creativity and hilarity? Long live the Blue Hen State!

I bet everyone asks that... “How about don’t tell me what to DO, ALBERT”... I can’t stop reading DO ALBERT... I think that’s how auto-asphyxiate came to mind... Covering my tracks here... Ok gonna go work out now... Keep your neck warm... What!?...That doesn’t even make sense....

Need coffee. Albert

P.S. How was Queens?

To: Albert Hammond Jr.

From: Aubrey Plaza

Dear Albert, Your explanation about ties was very satisfying. Thank you. When I read your emails I imagine you writing from a “lying down” position, I don’t know why. I AM coming to your show. Please let me! I will be in New York that week doing a reading of a play, which I’m nervous about because I’ve never done that before. Can I stay in your apartment? Is this email really being published? Growing up in Delaware was great... I love Delaware so much. There’s not much to do there so you have to make your own fun, which is my favorite kind of fun... Just today I was trying to find a song called “Delaware” by someone who I can’t remember and I couldn’t find it. I was using the Internet, which is so unreliable at times.

I mean, there are kind of a lot. “Hello, I’m in Delaware” by City and Colour? “Delaware Slide” by George Thorogood & the Destroyers? “Delaware” by Perry Como? Man, Delaware… who knew??

How was your childhood? Do you have any pets? What kind of “working out” do you do? I need to know.

Aubrey

P.P.S. I loved Queens. I miss it. A lot.

To: Aubrey Plaza

From: Albert Hammond Jr.

Well, well, well... We meet again... I think the last two I was in bed, yes, but I wasn't lying completely flat... Aziz is in my apartment but since you guys are close... You did after all give him your blood in a vial...

Yeah… yeah, that’s true (shudder). Here’s a nice little NYU alumni mag piece about Aziz and Aubrey, too! No blood involved. Ew.

or was it corn syrup? Always get that confused... That’s so exciting! What play? Of course you’re nervous—you’re alive aren't you? Haha... It would be very boring if you didn’t get that rush... Yeah, I know right? It almost feels like we are just writing to each other with someone else watching... A voyeuristic email... Everything is voyeuristic nowadays... We are all voyeuristic junkies... Wanting everything now... Well, you are going to have to tell me where to play or at least where to eat... I’ve been only once, ages ago...How did it make you feel in Wayne’s World when they did the bit about being in Delaware?

“Hi. I’m in Delaware.” [mic drop]

I'm an only child so I know exactly what you mean... I did the same... Even though I grew up in Los Angeles I was deep in the valley in the hills and spent a lot of time enjoying my own company... I wonder if there is a playlist somewhere with all the songs that have States as titles...

Yes there are.

I had two dogs but my parents took them to help me out a few years back and fell in love with them... I lift weights... I wanna look like a superhero musician... Play cool music... Star in action movies... Open a restaurant and ride motorcycles and scuba dive... Do you have pets?

Yeah, just the cutest rescue dog ever. Of course.

Oh shit, I didn’t answer the first part... Please come to the show... Let me know when and I’ll put you on the list.

Albert aka AHJ aka Francis Trouble

P.P.P.S. So do we basically get to know each other here and never speak again? I feel like I’m in a futuristic movie. Can I be Harrison Ford in this movie, please?