When is a lesbian relationship between two high-profile celebrities not cause for salacious and intrusive press coverage? When the couple in question present such a low-key, blasé attitude to their pairing – neither denying it, nor sharing intimate details – while going about their everyday lives as two adults in a loving relationship, who just happen to be of the same sex.
Model and actor Cara Delevingne and musician St Vincent, aka Annie Clark, sat on the front row at a Burberry show for London fashion week holding hands and looking adoringly into each other’s eyes. A stray eyelash may have been plucked from a cheek; a finger run across the inside of a wrist. The couple sat front and centre with the world’s media trained on them (Kate Moss and Sienna Miller sat beside them), and nobody batted an eyelid.
It’s conspicuous that a lesbian relationship involving a famous woman – two famous women, no less – is treated in such an inconspicuous manner, especially by the tabloid press and gossip magazines.
Compare the generally respectful coverage of Delevingne and Clark to the is-she-isn’t-she speculation surrounding Sex and the City actor Cynthia Nixon as she walked around the New York streets with her now wife, Christine Marinoni, in the early noughties.
Or the scrutiny forever placed on Kristen Stewart’s “close gal pal”, Alicia Cargile, and the media circus that surrounded Lindsay Lohan when she was stepping out with Mark Ronson’s sister, Samantha Ronson – a relationship that was treated as some kind of extension to Lohan’s well-documented drug and alcohol issues of the time.
It seems as though the media might be growing up when it comes to women in the public eye dating other women. Again, contrast the response to Delevingne’s current romance with the rumour mill around her previous relationship with actor Michelle Rodriguez.
For a long time, the tone of coverage of women in the public eye dating other women has differed from that of men in same-sex partnerships. It’s undeniable that the love lives of all celebrities, including straight couples, are afforded vast column inches, but gay male celebrities (or simply those in relationships with other men) are mostly allowed to get on with their lives, sans judgment, and without an aside shoehorned into a piece on their professional life that they might be having sex with someone with the same genitalia.
Much of this relates to a wider typical, cultural dichotomy when it comes to lesbians: the butch lesbian, in a white vest and low-ride jeans; and so-called lipstick lesbians – those who would fit traditional feminine, societal-ascribed gender presentation.
There also still exists, unfathomably – when it is 2015 and the world is not a giant frat house – the trope of women engaged in sexual activity with other women as a performance for the benefit of male sexual gratification, and the even more toxic view put forward, whether jokingly or not, that women really prefer men and could be “converted” (women kissing other women in public places and in the vicinity of drunken men will hear this as regularly as the bell for last orders).
To wit: the near offence taken when speculation first surfaced that Stewart was dating Cargile – what an absurd decision given that she used to go out with the handsome, perfectly stubbled Robert Pattinson, right? Robert Pattinson with a penis.
Unless male celebrities are specifically involved in gay rights and LGBT activism (think Elton John or Alan Cumming), their status as gay men, or those dating men, is pretty much allowed to pass under the radar. These include Sam Smith, Nick Grimshaw, Russell Tovey. The coming out, or in some cases outing, of male celebrities certainly exists, and does result in media attention – Tom Daley and Wentworth Miller – but the angle of coverage is not titillation or surprise. It’s not presented as unusual.
Older women and those who present more archetypically as butch have an easier time of it (because older women in general are often sidelined by the press and society) and because butch women are often viewed as less attractive and tantalising to male editors and readers. Those on the fringes of celebrity, artists deemed eccentric or artsy by the mainstream press (and Annie Clark might fall into this category), are also for the most part left alone.
When celebrities that, in queer discourse, would be described as butch, are covered by the press, it can often be with a dose of derogatory terminology. Nixon’s wife has been described as “short and dumpy” and “burly in a beige jacket”.
Celebrities, such as Delevingne and Clark (with long hair and make-up and dresses!) who turn a particular stereotype of lesbianism, the dyke of 80s rad feminism, for instance, on its head, are sexualised (gayness is all about sex, obviously) and often met with incredulity.
It is true that there has been some old-style titillating coverage concerning Delevingne and Clark – the Mirror and Mail reported on a supposed mile-high tryst (“they both snuck into a cubicle together … fifteen minutes later they reappeared looking pretty dishevelled”). But that is the sort of thing that would have been printed about a straight celebrity couple, and indeed, has been.
But for the most part, there is no underlying suggestion in coverage of Delevingne’s and Clark’s relationship that it is taboo, or something out of the ordinary, and as someone who has relationships with women, this is so refreshing.
In the past, in particular with Stewart’s relationship, there has been a nod to the idea that Stewart’s discretion might be down to some kind of internal shame, rather than a natural preference to keep her personal life private.
This often manifests itself in reporting the slightest public affection as something rather brave or dissident, rather than just two people being in a relationship (“[Stewart] didn’t seem to care who saw her locking paws with her former personal assistant” – gasped the Mail, complete with blown-up grainy photo of the “locked paws”). Why should she care? Because of the tone of attention from the Mail this might result in?
Delevingne, 23, and Stewart, 25, are demonstrative of a younger generation who are more ambiguous and open-minded in their attitude towards sexuality and dating, citing their attraction to people rather than men or women.
“I think in three or four years, there are going to be a whole lot more people who don’t think it’s necessary to figure out if you’re gay or straight. It’s like, just do your thing”, Stewart told NYLON magazine. While Delevingne simply said, without fanfare: “I think that being in love with my girlfriend is a big part of why I’m feeling so happy with who I am these days”.
I am very much in love ❤️
— Cara Delevingne (@Caradelevingne) April 22, 2015
Meanwhile, the actor Amber Heard, 29, now married to Johnny Depp, has spoken before about her bisexuality: “I have had relationships, successful relationships, with men, and I had a great relationship with a wonderful woman. I will never beg for an easy classification or label for that moment in my life, or assume to know what the future holds for me.” At the 2010 GLAAD awards, when dating a woman, she said: “Who I love … I will never apologise or hide it, because I am not ashamed of it”.
For her part, Clark, 32, has described herself as “sexually fluid” in a Rolling Stone interview. “You can fall in love with anybody.” Lohan, 29, is on record as saying something similar.
As someone who isn’t deeply involved with queer culture or a designated gay scene, the visibility of two talented, strong women whom I admire and like and respect, and who, like me, are not easily categorised into society’s visual box of what a lesbian, or women who sleep with women, ought to look or behave like, is deeply comforting.
There is no doubt this visibility – and the stars’ previous comments – will help younger (and older) people struggling with their sexuality or dealing with a stigma which, in many instances and places, still surrounds LGBT issues.
Oh, what a joy to see these two women featured in the press not in the context of a ceremonial coming out, or with a focus on the relationship itself, but just being two people together, as a couple, at an event, without a song and dance. What a joy to see the reaction of the general public and internet commenters and users of social media – either positive and supporting, or verging on indifference. It is, quite simply, the way it should be.